It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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