I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
