Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
