I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I have fence marks all over my body
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
