Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
