Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
