So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
