I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My penis needs a shock collar
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
