My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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