grandma shit on top of the toilet
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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