I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
