So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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