What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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