Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
