No awkward lesbian experiences without me
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
