Umm I'm too high to move.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
