So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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