Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
