Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
