You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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