so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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