It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
