I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
