well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We left an ass print on the piano.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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