I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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