Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
