So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
