Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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