you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
