I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
