Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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