i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
