its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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