It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
