After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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