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I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
