Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
