i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
