Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
