your room smells of hookers.
And success
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
