i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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