You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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