I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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