The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
