I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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