I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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