You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
