He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
