I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
