i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
