Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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