I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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