peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
