You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
