Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
