DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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