he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
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