One girl and one boy is just not enough.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize