Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
