make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
