i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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