I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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