what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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