I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Is Oprah even human
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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