Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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