Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
