Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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