remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
