I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
