all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
