I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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