i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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