I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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