Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
