It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
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