In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
