he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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