Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
