Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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