How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I can't turn off my feet"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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