That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
