8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
