Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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