i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
