I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
