I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
