We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
