Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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