Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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