I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
