You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Reggie can tackle my bush.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
The air taste purple.
Randomize