I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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